Crushed Seraphim Read online

  Anything, beautiful angel, anything.

  “Someone very, very strong can rip an angel’s wing off. Someone who just promised me anything can hasten my trip to Hades.”

  Jason forgot to pull her out of the dip. I can’t. I won’t. I will not do that.

  “You can and you will. What if this is the whole reason you’re the kind of half-breed you are? What if you’re meant to help me save the world?” Emma put her hands on his chest, trying to smile.

  Send you to the Devil? What’s he even like?

  Emma rolled her eyes. “Satan makes Everett look like a boy scout.”

  She was serious once more. This choice was up to him. He was the only one who could see her, the only one who could touch her.

  “Jason, I’m positive Everett would never see this coming. You have to rip off my wing.”

  Jason pulled her to standing, confused and angry. How could I possibly ruin someone so majestic? How can I protect you if you’re in Hell?

  Emma ignored his questions. “We have to move — and fast.”

  Do you have a plan?

  “I’m going to have to trick the Devil to save God.” She bit her lip as if this was no more irksome than an unpaid parking ticket.

  She held her small shoulders straight, and Jason almost believed they alone could carry the burden of rescuing the world.

  Chapter 4

  Jason clenched his fists. This is a decision I can’t make at the drop of the hat.

  He tried to picture holding her down to tear off her wing, and it was heartbreaking. He put his troubled eyes on her beautiful face. How can you ask me to hurt you?

  She smiled. “Shh. Don’t be sad. It’s just you and me against the Devil and Everett. What’s scary about that?”

  Jason put his hands to his temples and rubbed, trying to come up with a great excuse to keep her, a solution that made sense. I wish I could just stop everything for a minute and focus. Everything’s so scattered right now.

  His feelings for her were intense and quick, but she obviously loved someone else. Falling for this angel would only break his heart.

  She squinted and tapped a finger on her lips. “I wonder…” She held her hands out and the snow came to her. She molded it with a few graceful swipes and soon held what looked like a sparkling white remote control, with diamonds in lieu of buttons. She smiled; apparently its appearance made her genuinely happy.

  “Jason, I could be wrong, but Everett might not have control of my gifts as a Christmas Angel. They were gifts from God.” She looked closely at the remote she’d made.

  “Well, you’ve taken me to the past, present, and future. What else is there? Either I have an enlightening moment, or you’ve failed.” Jason hated how the logic fell into place. Each coherent thought made her slip further into transparency.

  Please, don’t leave. You feel like air to my soul. Please. God.

  At the word “please,” she clarified. And the word “God” she shimmered again. Her eyes softened.

  “I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. Well, I’m not wearing sleeves now, but if I were…”

  Jason wrapped her in a soft, white trench coat. He took his time tying the knot at her waist. She had generous sleeves now, with plenty of room for as many tricks as she needed to keep her with him.

  She chuckled. “You have all my bases covered, huh?” She walked closer to him, his intense eyes watching her every movement.

  He shrugged, as if imagining her every comfort was nothing at all.

  “Well, not all of the Christmas Angel’s tools, if you will, are publicized.” She tapped the remote with her other hand.

  Jason raised an eyebrow. She held the remote up so he could see it. Despite its unusual construction and adornments, it looked like a simple TV controller.

  She put her hand on his smooth jaw. “I have a pause button. We can think here, with privacy.” She twirled so her back was to him. “Hold me tight, half-breed.”

  Jason complied, grabbing the knot on her trench coat. Her wing fluttered harmlessly. He put his mouth close to her ear, wishing he could whisper something meaningful, but he had no words that fit his dreams.

  She held up the remote victoriously. “Suck on this, Everett, you panty-wearing little girl!”

  She pressed the pause button as Jason laughed. He felt lighter, further away from the fate he’d glimpsed. He still held her when it happened, and it was such a shock he almost jumped. His heart beat quickly and steadily again, like it had when he was human. She laughed at his reaction, covering her mouth because she knew she was being rude.

  The snow eclipsed the trees and the blue sky bleached away, leaving the travelers as the only color on a completely clean, white canvas.

  You paused the whole world?

  “I did. Well, you did. Your wish for more time to consider your options was granted.” She slid the remote into her pocket and turned so her mouth was dangerously close to his. “We’re here for a bit, but not for long. It’s like pausing live TV, sort of. Eventually, we’ll be snapped back to the present moment.”

  She turned in his arms like a ballerina in a jewelry box. “Breathe, Jason. Take a breath.”

  Jason looked at her like she was crazy but complied. Air rushed into his lungs, and he remembered how necessary the reflex had been when he was…human?

  “You feel human, and so do I. Touch.” Emma opened her coat and took his hand. Her heart thumped against his palm. “But it’s kind of like a mirage. I wanted you to feel the relief of taking a deep breath as a human. Was it worth it?”

  He could concentrate on nothing but her warm skin under his fingertips. Breathing her scent was suddenly not about evaluating prey, but about another sort of sustenance, flavored with her.

  Yes. Absolutely.

  “So, think. You can create here like you have with my outfits.”

  The empty space was instantly black as night. The ground and sky were littered with stars, and in the center was a huge, four-poster bed covered in silks and velvet. Music fell around them, a piano picking out emotions and setting them free like butterflies to soar.

  Jason smiled as she gasped. Red rose petals fell like autumn leaves around them. The moment the petals touched the ground they faded away.

  The knot in her belt slowly unraveled until the ends hung separately. Emma started to giggle and held out her arms. He took charge of her jacket like a magical gentleman. The bottom button pushed itself through the hole that had held it captive. She stopped giggling as his mind moved to the next button. Each one was set free in an achingly slow process. The material slid off her arms and soon she was before him in her strapless gown again. She winked at him and blinked like a genie granting a wish. His casual clothes transformed into a finely tailored tuxedo. He stopped mid-stride.

  Two can play at this game here?

  She held a hand out and caught a rose petal.

  She put it to her face and sampled the fragrance. “Heavenly, and I should know.”

  Jason licked his lips and held out both hands — one filled with a bottle of champagne, the other held two crystal glasses.

  Would you care for a drink?

  She nodded, thrilled that he was embracing the pause. The world might be about to crumble around them, and he was dreaming up alcohol. He handed her a glass and kept his eyes on her lips as he filled it. When he was done, she reached for the bottle and filled his glass.

  Jason held his crystal up for a toast. “To never waking from this dream.”

  Emma touched her glass to his, the clink echoing off the night sky that was their backdrop.

  She looked pleased and added, “To using this break in the spirit it was intended.”

  They swallowed the bubbling liquid, and Jason turned down the music and conjured up a large, red couch. The pillows were huge and inviting.

  Have a seat. As much as I would relish ravishing you on that bed…

  They both looked at it, the testament to his lust that it was.

  …I
can’t take you. Your pain’s too much.

  She blinked hard, the emotion he’d brought to the surface punching her in the now-beating heart. Jason disappeared the glasses and bottle, and they both sat.

  “Tell me why Everett seems so fixated on you.” Jason reached out for her hand.

  Emma let him comfort her with the simple gesture.

  “I’m here for you, not the other way around.” She leaned back into the couch.

  Things change.

  She sighed and tilted her head to look at the fake stars.

  “Everett was my fiancé a long, long time ago. He didn’t take kindly to his property being with another man,” Emma said.

  Jason squeezed her hand gently and tried to quiet the jealousy in his mind so she could think. He hadn’t expected such deception from a woman who’d become an angel.

  “You judge me so quickly?” She pulled her hand from his. “You and Everett should have a chat. You might be good friends.”

  She was angry. More than that, she was hurt — his opinion of her must mean more than she was letting on.

  I don’t want to insult you, but wouldn’t it be better to stay true to the man whose wedding proposal you’d accepted?

  “Men. You’re all just suckers for putting your stamp on something. Peeing on your trees. You know what I say to that, half-breed? Up yours and your sanctimonious, self-serving bullshit. Hot damn. I even wanted to kiss you.” She paced on the stars, stomping through the black sky.

  I’m just saying I can understand why Everett was angry — not that I agree with his actions at all.

  She was furious. “Where the hell’s my jacket? I’m leaving you and your throbbing bachelor pad. Take your flower petals and stick them up your ass.”

  Jason rose from the couch and stepped bravely toward the vexed seraph.

  I don’t want you to leave. Please. I want to know what happened so maybe it can help us save God. You do want to save God, right? This isn’t all about your dating style.

  She put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. She looked like she might cry. Jason stood in front of her, wishing he could kick himself. He was jumping to conclusions instead of listening, letting her talk.

  She heard his remorse and finally opened her eyes. “Everett asked my father for my hand in marriage. My father agreed. I never had a choice.”

  She hugged her arms around herself, and Jason noticed her wing was gone. In the mirage they were exploring, she’d left it out. She wanted to be human with him, just a girl and a boy.

  “I was the only female in our family. Even though I’d been treated and acted like one of the boys, when I was sixteen my father demanded that I garb myself in my fanciest dress and curl my hair.” She stepped to the couch and sat back down.

  Jason hurt for her. She’d been just a child, commanded to be something she wasn’t.

  Emma clasped her hands in her lap. “You’re right. I wasn’t a fancy lady. I wanted to swim in the river with my best friend. I wanted to ride my horse all day. Sam was with me for all those things. He was my childhood, and then he became the only reminder I had of who I used to be.” She formed a bird with her fingers as a child might, a sweet comfort for a lost soul. “My father let the engagement linger for a few years, and Everett was happy to see my dowry grow while my father prospered. Those two years with Sam, I pretended I wasn’t engaged. I pretended Everett didn’t come by once a month to stick his tongue down my throat and whisper exactly what he expected from me as a wife in my ear.” Emma shuddered, and Jason raged.

  “The night before our wedding, Everett stopped by for what he felt was his due,” Emma continued. “He called it ‘The Test.’ I told Sam not to show up. I told him I was ready to take it, but he wouldn’t listen. He crawled in the window when I was fighting Everett off, begging to have my innocence last one more night. Everett won that battle when he shot Sam in the chest. He claimed he was defending me. I held Sam’s head while he died. Imagine my surprise when I saw that bastard, Everett, wearing a set of angel wings in Heaven.” Emma clenched her fists again.

  Jason took a deep breath. How did you die?

  Emma looked off into the distance for a while, stuck in the night of Sam’s first death. “I put off the wedding. I wanted to bury Sam, and I used that as my excuse. It even worked for a few months. I spent a lot of time riding Feisty, my favorite horse. Everett noticed that as well.”

  Emma stood again, riled up from remembering her human years. “One night the barn mysteriously caught fire. I died trying to save Feisty. Neither of us made it out.” Emma hung her head.

  I am so, so sorry. You lost so much.

  She shrugged. “It’s old news. When I got to Heaven, I was able to ride Feisty in the clouds. So that was nice.”

  “And Sam? Were you able to be with him?” Jason patted the couch, encouraging her to sit.

  She didn’t. She closed her eyes just a fraction too late, and Jason saw the betrayal there.

  “You get a choice when you cross over to the other side: eternity in Heaven or reincarnation. The options are clearly laid out for you by Seraph Gabriel. I picked eternity, of course. Sam’s path was a different one.” She turned her back to Jason.

  Oh.

  And then it made sense. This beautiful, cursing angel was full of love for a man who kept choosing life again and again over an eternity with her.

  He made the wrong choice. You’re worth all the time in the world.

  She shrugged. He could see her shoulders shaking. The mirage of being human finally allowed her to cry for a love that might have been mostly one sided. Jason stood behind her, ghosting his hands over her shoulders. He was not willing to touch her without her permission — not after that tale.

  “Even if I did love him more than he loved me, I’m dedicated to him. I’m in a position to protect him and any soul he loves. Well, I was in that position.” She sighed and turned, her tears still tinged with gold from her magic.

  “May I hold you? Please?” Jason opened his arms.

  She answered by stepping into them, cuddling deep into his tuxedo, and putting her head against his chest, over his enchanted heart.

  How much longer do we have, Emma?

  “Enough.”

  “So tell me why I’m here,” she said. “I’ve been around you enough now to know you’re a stand-up guy — although technically not a guy, I guess, half-breed. Why did you need a Christmas Angel? You must have been on the docket before Everett started all his stupidity. You’re a legit assignment, just a really difficult one.”

  Jason shrugged. “Of all the things that have happened over the last handful of hours, that’s the part that makes the least sense.”

  “Really? An angel falling from the sky? Time travel? All of that is more believable than God being concerned about you?” She traced his lips with her fingers.

  Jason’s jaw tightened, and he released her from the hug. “Don’t you know what I am? Where I come from? Surely the history of half-breed minions reached even your lofty perch.”

  “Well,” Emma said slowly. “Angels do seem to think poorly of Earthbound half-breeds, but I was never one for gossip.” She pulled Jason over to sit on the couch again. “I don’t know of any half-breed angels personally, but — how can I explain this? That doesn’t mean they couldn’t exist. When souls come to Heaven for the afterlife, they’re whitewashed of their previous sins, and angels are supposed to focus on them just as they stand in front of us. It’s considered rude to inquire about the past. We all start anew.”

  “Which would explain why Everett got so far after having been cruel to you in your time on Earth,” Jason said.

  “So why should you be last in line for kindness, Jason? Tell me.” Emma sat on her hands and leaned toward him.

  Jason smiled into her attention. “And what if you hate me after I explain? Telling you what you don’t know might be the biggest mistake I could make.”

  She looked away. “It takes a lot for me to hate someone. More than
you could ever do, I promise.”

  Jason exhaled audibly. “Okay. To honor what you’ve shared, I’ll tell you why I’m destined for Hell whether Everett sends me or not. Long before I formed my first words, I was evil.” He rose to give himself some distance from her distracting goodness.

  “My mother was alone when she raised Seriana, Dean, and me. We were told our father died in a mining accident. We thought that’s why we were different. If only it had turned out to be that simple…”

  Jason paused to look warily at Emma, who seemed enraptured by his story and made no move to speak. He had no choice but to keep going.

  “My mother was really beautiful, and she was always good to us. But there were nights when she turned pale and shaky on her feet. We called those her ‘episodes.’ She’d leave the house to find a ‘doctor,’ who we never met, and a few hours later she’d return with rosy cheeks and an almost manic happiness. What did we know? We were children. We moved from place to place a lot — usually when the whispers about mother’s nighttime activities hit the rumor mill. I heard the word ‘prostitute’ on regular occasions long before I knew what it meant.”

  Emma stood and crossed her arms. Jason was relieved to find she still looked sympathetic.

  “She always told us, ‘Home is where the people you love are. And you children will always have each other.’ She left herself out of the equation when she spoke of our future. Eventually, school became too tricky, I guess, so Mother schooled us at home,” he continued. “She supplemented our education with trips to museums and foreign countries. As we got older, we started to realize she was really uncomfortable around people, and we figured this was why we always traveled at night. But even though she wasn’t able to interact with them very well, she wanted us to love humans — I see that now. We stopped by hospital nurseries all over the world where she’d lecture us about how each soul should be valued, how each human had intrinsic worth.”

  Jason paused for a moment, lost in thought. “The other thing I remember about our travels was her long, red suitcase. It was always with us, but we never saw her open it, and we were forbidden to touch it.